Post by dylanblack on Aug 8, 2023 23:11:06 GMT -6
**Fade in. White House.**
*Curtis is sitting at the Resolute Desk, writing. As his pen is touching the paper, we hear him narrating over the scene as “The Lonely Man” plays. On screen, we see slow pans as Curtis is tearing up.*
: I can’t believe you are truly gone. It hurts my heart to know that you guys have left this plane and moved on to Valhalla. The police reports were…gruesome… to say the least. The end of the GUN show due to your demise is truly the biggest blow to the XHF since its return. Even more than the Vipers being tag team champions. We had fun together. My wife is the first and last Miss Guns. We raised some hell. And for that, I am honored to have given you guys a day all your own, on February 25th, National GUNS Day. And I dedicate my match on that day to all three of you. Not MGK. But thanks for taking him with you.
*Curtis looks up and over at a box on his desk.*
: I didn’t want to believe. I even got you guys a GUNSentine’s Day gift, but the official report came on my desk just days later that proved you were in fact in that car, which was reported to the public during the award show. An odd place to do it, but oh well. Good bye sweet princes, and good night. I will meet with you in Valhalla one day and we will ride pegasi into the great battle in the sky. Until then, party hard and BANG! on my friends!
*The music stops and the presidential page runs in.*
: Sir, your scheduled reflecting time is up for today. Next up…
*He flips through a clip board.*
: …uh… erotic fiction writing time? Is that new?
: Yes, that is recently added. I was inspired by something I saw recently. Thank you.
*Curtis hands off his notepad of GUNS writing. The page leaves and then returns with a typewriter. Curtis puts on some bifocal glasses with the ear protective strings. Then he starts typing away. He starts narrating over it again, but he’s talking just a little bit different. A little… redder… if you will. As sexy sax music plays over his narration.
*
: The scene opens with a silver Mercedes pulling up to the side entrance of the NHF arena in Minnesota, the N stands for "Nude," stopping square in the center of a "NO PARKING" zone. The engine cuts off and Dick Koschlong steps out, closing the door behind him. He rounds the front of the vehicle, running his fingertips along the smooth finish, nice and slow, before he glances over to one of the workers watching from the curb. He licks his lips as he tosses his keys to the man, then stops about two feet in front of him and removes his sunglasses. Visibly aroused, the man's eyes dart back and forth between the car keys laying in his hands and the seductive expression on Koschlong's face. Dick Koschlong leans forward and speaks softly into the man's ear.
Dick Koschlong - " Find a parking space and be gentle about it. You break it, I break you big boy. "
The man's lower lip begins to quiver, struggling to respond but Koscholng just slips his sunglasses back on and walks right past him towards the door. But as he approaches the entrance, the door opens and out steps GG Bunns. He smiles at the 7'4" Dick Koschlong as he stops in front of him, glancing over the toned body.
GG Bunns - " Hi there. Got a minute, I'd love an interview. "
He turns and looks back towards the first person he encountered, briefly watching the man inch his car into a parking spot, slowly, with a look of unending passion smeared across his face. Koschlong smirks to himself then turns back to GG Bunns, giving him a questionable eye as he stands there smiling up at him.
Dick Koschlong - " You're not getting a ride in my Mercedes Bunns, so you can just forget about it right now. But I can still give you ...a ride. "
GG Bunns - " Oh my. Right to the point, I just came out too… heh… "
GG Bunns stands there in silence. But after a few seconds, Koschlong pauses, then gives him a curious look.
Dick Koschlong - " What? Am I supposed to stand here and waste my breath talking about the people I've wrecked? Am I supposed to drone on and on about their unorthodox tactics and the fact that when I wrestle anyone, I've got to keep an eye out for more coming at me from behind? Do you want me to lay a little groundwork now for some fun time with you?
He says as he instinctively smooths his shirt, while GG Bunns holds his hands up seductively, almost reaching out and touching the shirt as well.
GG Bunns - " Sorry, I didn't mean to get too close. What about your partner? "
Dick Koschlong - " I am a big, powerful, unstoppable monster...but what has it gotten me by sticking around with him? Here's someone that is capable of throwing human beings around like plastic bags in the breeze, yet I willingly be the top with someone else? Now follow me inside, and I will sh—
: Mr. President!
*The music stops.*
: What’s up, I’m in on a freakin’ roll! Why you messing up my flow!
: We got an emergency with the polar vortex situation that needs your eye.
: Oh sure, I’ll check that out because climate change is obviously a thing that is real and that we had to rename from “global warming” because people didn’t understand global warming is not only about heat. But DO NOT touch this typewriter until I’m back!
*Curtis gets up from the table and heads out.*
**Fade out.**
**Fade in. Presidential Bedroom.**
*Curtis and Esmerelda are lying in bed. Esmerelda is reading some papers stapled together.*
: Wow, this is really good! Really homo-erotic, but really good. Is there something I should know?
: What? I was just inspired! Nothing wrong with that.
: Yeah, I didn’t realize Duke Kosloff got you all hot and bothered.
: Wait, what?
: It’s a play on his name. It’s obviously based on him. It’s even very similar to his promo about you.
: Oh no, I was inspired by Chef Craig's latest tutorial video. Not Duke. You really think it’s like Duke?
: I mean, you saw his promo right?
: Well yeah, but it’s hard to understand anything with his heavy Russian accent. And the loud engine of his obviously dick compensating Mercedes. It’s already bad enough we’re getting America versus Russia on GUNS Day, but that loud mouthed twat doesn’t even know what he’s getting himself into!
: Well, if it’s anything like your fan-fic here, he gets into it quite a lot, again and again. Seriously, why is this only dudes?
: …because all my physical lovin’ is saved for you! But mental can go anywhere! My physical beatin’ses are saved for my opponents. Like Mr. Koschlong—I mean, Kosloff! Damnit! He really is on my mind! He’s ear wormed me! Where’s Antoine Dodson when you need him to warn me! Duke’s {No Means No} my mind! He—wait, wait, really? An Antoine Dodson reference?
*Curtis throws the covers off, revealing he’s wearing normal suit pants underneath. He climbs out of bed and walks over to the director.*
: Hey, are you for real with this? Are our writers like, stuck ten years in the past? What is this?
: Well, it’s hard to equate a {No Means No} joke with someone positive. We thought this was the best way to go.
: I mean, you realize Duke is going to at everyone on this because he doesn’t know how to use Google. I barely remember Antoine.
: If you have a better idea how to keep your edge and not connect to someone like Bill Cos—
: Guys! Guys!
*The camera pans to another director behind the director.*
: Look, I love a self-referential Monty Python-esque gag as much as the next guy, but you’re getting too off topic. We’re going to cut this part of the promo, this isn’t working. The people watching at home don’t know locker room Duke, they only know TV Duke. Just jump back into the script from getting mind {No Means No} and skip the "yell at the director" scene.
: Ugh! Fine!
: You’re cutting me out of the promo?
: Sorry pal, don’t worry, you’ll still get scale.
*The camera pans back to the bed and Curtis climbs in. He clears his throat and someone runs up with water and touches up his makeup.*
: All right, where was I?
: Duke {No Means No} your mind.
: Right, right. Duke’s {No Means No} my mind! He says he doesn’t wet his pants when I come around? You bet your ass his panties get wet when he sees me!
: Honey, it’s happening again.
: Damnit! Sorry. This son of a bitch thinks I’m not on his level? I’m a former AXW world champion! For longer than he was at that! Defeating the almost undefeatable Anom-O-ly! Who the hell did he beat? Some flash in the pan kid that ain’t even here no mores! Even more, I’m a former X*Crown champion! I didn’t just show up, I’m not some mook walking around living on my past glory, I’m actually doing shit. I own this place. I own the ring. I own everywhere I step! That’s why I walked down there during Caffrey’s stupid Caffrey thing, because I’m more important. If I’m more important than him, I’m most def more important than the man he beat.
: Calm down honey, you’re not supposed to be so worked up right before bed.
: No, no! Uh uh! I will not let this Russian jerk slide! Let’s look at the political elephant in the room. As the President of the United States, which I totes am and he would know that if he wasn’t a dirty comrade, I shouldn’t say this. But Duke is just like his homeland, Mother Russia. They both act tough, look tough, and have a rock hard exterior. But on the inside, their miserable, ugly, cold, and falling apart. Russia has been on its last legs since the wall came crumbling down. Okay, I retract that statement, Duke is doing just a little bit better than Russia, since he’s actually a former champ, he attained something. But now he’s fallen from grace, having a lovers quarrel with his little buddy, and he wonders what I’ve done to warrant a fight against him? Fuck that! I just threw the best damn bash at an Atlanta beach ever, was hungover as fuck, and still went on to kick a few asses in that weird ass X*Crown gauntlet match on a ship! And the only crazy thing about me is that I’m going to try my damnedest to get back into the next X*Crown match with an insane stip picked by an insane man in the hoped to hoist the titles above my head once again! Duke is the one who should feel lucky to even be able to step foot in the ring with me! I’m going to make his ass famous!
: Specifically his ass?
: No damnit! Not the fiction! I will make him shine brighter than Chernobyl! He wants The Archangel!? He wants the King of Xtreme!? The Breaker of Worlds!? He’ll get it all and more! I highly doubt anyone is calling Duke “Mr. AXW” other than himself, but he’s about to tangle with “Mr. XHF.” I’m too big to be contained! And I hope Caffrey and his cronies watch as I dismantle this Russian Kazyol! Because then they’ll know that if they get in my way again, the same fate will befall them! Actually, it probably will befall them too no matter what, because the people demand that I BANG! ‘EM ALL!
: Well, I know someone you can BANG! right now.
: What? Where? Who’s intruding?
: No you idiot! While you’re story is fresh in our minds…
*Esmerelda pops her eyebrows at Curtis.*
: Just like Duke, I’m going to make you feel… the… BANG!
*Curtis turns the lamp off, causing the scene to go dark.*
: …but him in a different way, not with sex. Just to be clear.
: Shut up before you make it worse honey.
**Fade out.**
*Curtis is sitting at the Resolute Desk, writing. As his pen is touching the paper, we hear him narrating over the scene as “The Lonely Man” plays. On screen, we see slow pans as Curtis is tearing up.*
: I can’t believe you are truly gone. It hurts my heart to know that you guys have left this plane and moved on to Valhalla. The police reports were…gruesome… to say the least. The end of the GUN show due to your demise is truly the biggest blow to the XHF since its return. Even more than the Vipers being tag team champions. We had fun together. My wife is the first and last Miss Guns. We raised some hell. And for that, I am honored to have given you guys a day all your own, on February 25th, National GUNS Day. And I dedicate my match on that day to all three of you. Not MGK. But thanks for taking him with you.
*Curtis looks up and over at a box on his desk.*
: I didn’t want to believe. I even got you guys a GUNSentine’s Day gift, but the official report came on my desk just days later that proved you were in fact in that car, which was reported to the public during the award show. An odd place to do it, but oh well. Good bye sweet princes, and good night. I will meet with you in Valhalla one day and we will ride pegasi into the great battle in the sky. Until then, party hard and BANG! on my friends!
*The music stops and the presidential page runs in.*
: Sir, your scheduled reflecting time is up for today. Next up…
*He flips through a clip board.*
: …uh… erotic fiction writing time? Is that new?
: Yes, that is recently added. I was inspired by something I saw recently. Thank you.
*Curtis hands off his notepad of GUNS writing. The page leaves and then returns with a typewriter. Curtis puts on some bifocal glasses with the ear protective strings. Then he starts typing away. He starts narrating over it again, but he’s talking just a little bit different. A little… redder… if you will. As sexy sax music plays over his narration.
*
: The scene opens with a silver Mercedes pulling up to the side entrance of the NHF arena in Minnesota, the N stands for "Nude," stopping square in the center of a "NO PARKING" zone. The engine cuts off and Dick Koschlong steps out, closing the door behind him. He rounds the front of the vehicle, running his fingertips along the smooth finish, nice and slow, before he glances over to one of the workers watching from the curb. He licks his lips as he tosses his keys to the man, then stops about two feet in front of him and removes his sunglasses. Visibly aroused, the man's eyes dart back and forth between the car keys laying in his hands and the seductive expression on Koschlong's face. Dick Koschlong leans forward and speaks softly into the man's ear.
Dick Koschlong - " Find a parking space and be gentle about it. You break it, I break you big boy. "
The man's lower lip begins to quiver, struggling to respond but Koscholng just slips his sunglasses back on and walks right past him towards the door. But as he approaches the entrance, the door opens and out steps GG Bunns. He smiles at the 7'4" Dick Koschlong as he stops in front of him, glancing over the toned body.
GG Bunns - " Hi there. Got a minute, I'd love an interview. "
He turns and looks back towards the first person he encountered, briefly watching the man inch his car into a parking spot, slowly, with a look of unending passion smeared across his face. Koschlong smirks to himself then turns back to GG Bunns, giving him a questionable eye as he stands there smiling up at him.
Dick Koschlong - " You're not getting a ride in my Mercedes Bunns, so you can just forget about it right now. But I can still give you ...a ride. "
GG Bunns - " Oh my. Right to the point, I just came out too… heh… "
GG Bunns stands there in silence. But after a few seconds, Koschlong pauses, then gives him a curious look.
Dick Koschlong - " What? Am I supposed to stand here and waste my breath talking about the people I've wrecked? Am I supposed to drone on and on about their unorthodox tactics and the fact that when I wrestle anyone, I've got to keep an eye out for more coming at me from behind? Do you want me to lay a little groundwork now for some fun time with you?
He says as he instinctively smooths his shirt, while GG Bunns holds his hands up seductively, almost reaching out and touching the shirt as well.
GG Bunns - " Sorry, I didn't mean to get too close. What about your partner? "
Dick Koschlong - " I am a big, powerful, unstoppable monster...but what has it gotten me by sticking around with him? Here's someone that is capable of throwing human beings around like plastic bags in the breeze, yet I willingly be the top with someone else? Now follow me inside, and I will sh—
: Mr. President!
*The music stops.*
: What’s up, I’m in on a freakin’ roll! Why you messing up my flow!
: We got an emergency with the polar vortex situation that needs your eye.
: Oh sure, I’ll check that out because climate change is obviously a thing that is real and that we had to rename from “global warming” because people didn’t understand global warming is not only about heat. But DO NOT touch this typewriter until I’m back!
*Curtis gets up from the table and heads out.*
**Fade out.**
**Fade in. Presidential Bedroom.**
*Curtis and Esmerelda are lying in bed. Esmerelda is reading some papers stapled together.*
: Wow, this is really good! Really homo-erotic, but really good. Is there something I should know?
: What? I was just inspired! Nothing wrong with that.
: Yeah, I didn’t realize Duke Kosloff got you all hot and bothered.
: Wait, what?
: It’s a play on his name. It’s obviously based on him. It’s even very similar to his promo about you.
: Oh no, I was inspired by Chef Craig's latest tutorial video. Not Duke. You really think it’s like Duke?
: I mean, you saw his promo right?
: Well yeah, but it’s hard to understand anything with his heavy Russian accent. And the loud engine of his obviously dick compensating Mercedes. It’s already bad enough we’re getting America versus Russia on GUNS Day, but that loud mouthed twat doesn’t even know what he’s getting himself into!
: Well, if it’s anything like your fan-fic here, he gets into it quite a lot, again and again. Seriously, why is this only dudes?
: …because all my physical lovin’ is saved for you! But mental can go anywhere! My physical beatin’ses are saved for my opponents. Like Mr. Koschlong—I mean, Kosloff! Damnit! He really is on my mind! He’s ear wormed me! Where’s Antoine Dodson when you need him to warn me! Duke’s {No Means No} my mind! He—wait, wait, really? An Antoine Dodson reference?
*Curtis throws the covers off, revealing he’s wearing normal suit pants underneath. He climbs out of bed and walks over to the director.*
: Hey, are you for real with this? Are our writers like, stuck ten years in the past? What is this?
: Well, it’s hard to equate a {No Means No} joke with someone positive. We thought this was the best way to go.
: I mean, you realize Duke is going to at everyone on this because he doesn’t know how to use Google. I barely remember Antoine.
: If you have a better idea how to keep your edge and not connect to someone like Bill Cos—
: Guys! Guys!
*The camera pans to another director behind the director.*
: Look, I love a self-referential Monty Python-esque gag as much as the next guy, but you’re getting too off topic. We’re going to cut this part of the promo, this isn’t working. The people watching at home don’t know locker room Duke, they only know TV Duke. Just jump back into the script from getting mind {No Means No} and skip the "yell at the director" scene.
: Ugh! Fine!
: You’re cutting me out of the promo?
: Sorry pal, don’t worry, you’ll still get scale.
*The camera pans back to the bed and Curtis climbs in. He clears his throat and someone runs up with water and touches up his makeup.*
: All right, where was I?
: Duke {No Means No} your mind.
: Right, right. Duke’s {No Means No} my mind! He says he doesn’t wet his pants when I come around? You bet your ass his panties get wet when he sees me!
: Honey, it’s happening again.
: Damnit! Sorry. This son of a bitch thinks I’m not on his level? I’m a former AXW world champion! For longer than he was at that! Defeating the almost undefeatable Anom-O-ly! Who the hell did he beat? Some flash in the pan kid that ain’t even here no mores! Even more, I’m a former X*Crown champion! I didn’t just show up, I’m not some mook walking around living on my past glory, I’m actually doing shit. I own this place. I own the ring. I own everywhere I step! That’s why I walked down there during Caffrey’s stupid Caffrey thing, because I’m more important. If I’m more important than him, I’m most def more important than the man he beat.
: Calm down honey, you’re not supposed to be so worked up right before bed.
: No, no! Uh uh! I will not let this Russian jerk slide! Let’s look at the political elephant in the room. As the President of the United States, which I totes am and he would know that if he wasn’t a dirty comrade, I shouldn’t say this. But Duke is just like his homeland, Mother Russia. They both act tough, look tough, and have a rock hard exterior. But on the inside, their miserable, ugly, cold, and falling apart. Russia has been on its last legs since the wall came crumbling down. Okay, I retract that statement, Duke is doing just a little bit better than Russia, since he’s actually a former champ, he attained something. But now he’s fallen from grace, having a lovers quarrel with his little buddy, and he wonders what I’ve done to warrant a fight against him? Fuck that! I just threw the best damn bash at an Atlanta beach ever, was hungover as fuck, and still went on to kick a few asses in that weird ass X*Crown gauntlet match on a ship! And the only crazy thing about me is that I’m going to try my damnedest to get back into the next X*Crown match with an insane stip picked by an insane man in the hoped to hoist the titles above my head once again! Duke is the one who should feel lucky to even be able to step foot in the ring with me! I’m going to make his ass famous!
: Specifically his ass?
: No damnit! Not the fiction! I will make him shine brighter than Chernobyl! He wants The Archangel!? He wants the King of Xtreme!? The Breaker of Worlds!? He’ll get it all and more! I highly doubt anyone is calling Duke “Mr. AXW” other than himself, but he’s about to tangle with “Mr. XHF.” I’m too big to be contained! And I hope Caffrey and his cronies watch as I dismantle this Russian Kazyol! Because then they’ll know that if they get in my way again, the same fate will befall them! Actually, it probably will befall them too no matter what, because the people demand that I BANG! ‘EM ALL!
: Well, I know someone you can BANG! right now.
: What? Where? Who’s intruding?
: No you idiot! While you’re story is fresh in our minds…
*Esmerelda pops her eyebrows at Curtis.*
: Just like Duke, I’m going to make you feel… the… BANG!
*Curtis turns the lamp off, causing the scene to go dark.*
: …but him in a different way, not with sex. Just to be clear.
: Shut up before you make it worse honey.
**Fade out.**